Day after day, by some miracle, I go on. Living without Gene is something I don’t know how to do, but I know I have to learn. Because I’m moving, I have lots to do and the days are filled with tasks, neatly arranged into checklists, that I dutifully monitor and adjust, as I remember a new one or complete something that was pending.
Living this way is what I call, “living in the dots.” When you view a newspaper print photo from a distance, you see the entire thing. It makes sense to you. But hold a magnifying glass to the page, and all you will see are the halftone “dots” created by the old dot matrix printers and now we call them pixels. That’s just what this life has become. I’ve lost perspective. I no longer see the big picture. All I see are the details. There is no meaning, and I don’t recognize a pattern.
With the grace of God, this will change and I will find a purpose once again. With determination, I will write another chapter in my lifetime book. For those experiencing a similar loss, I wish you the same.