Living in the Dots…

star of dotsDay after day, by some miracle, I go on.  Living without Gene is something I don’t know how to do, but I know I have to learn.  Because I’m moving, I have lots to do and the days are filled with tasks, neatly arranged into checklists, that I dutifully monitor and adjust, as I remember a new one or complete something that was pending.

Living this way is what I call, “living in the dots.” When you view a newspaper print photo from a distance, you see the entire thing.  It makes sense to you.  But hold a magnifying glass to the page, and all you will see are the halftone “dots” created by the old dot matrix printers and now we call them pixels. That’s just what this life has become.  I’ve lost perspective.  I no longer see the big picture.  All I see are the details.  There is no meaning, and I don’t recognize a pattern.

With the grace of God, this will change and I will find a purpose once again. With determination, I will write another chapter in my lifetime book.  For those experiencing a similar loss, I wish you the same.

Happy Birthday Gene

My husband Gene passed away on February 5th, 2016.  I take notes every day as I experience his presence in my life in so many ways. He visits me in the wind, through birds that fly in and out of our bird feeder, and in the hugs and kisses made by cloud formations in the sky.  Am I going crazy?  No, I just love him deeply with …”a love that lasts forever.”

Gene’s birthday is May 18th and we were born in the same year, 1951.  I wanted to grow old with Gene but God gave him only 64 years.  My years with Gene were the best years of my life.  Thank you, my love, for the memories, and Happy Birthday.

Our pup, Jake, will be 12 years old on May 11.  He is my comfort and my baby.  Happy Birthday, Jake.